i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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