4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
