Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize