he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
