I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
