Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize