Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
