The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
