how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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