Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
