If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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