Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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