My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
