if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
