i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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