I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Randomize
