Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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