i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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