On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize