Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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