You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
