Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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