my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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