I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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