where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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