This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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