i was born a porn star she said
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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