i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
