taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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