I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
