11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
