Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I can't put those talents on a resume
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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