Cold hands, warm shart.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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