I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
