Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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