it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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