Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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