stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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