I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
