on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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