I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
