Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
