Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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