man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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