I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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