apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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