I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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