It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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