Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
