No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
