You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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