dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
