Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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