Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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