Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Ketchup is God's man juice
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
