I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
