before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
