This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
